The Eurovision Song Contest of climate change; the COP25 meeting, has been relocated from Chile to Madrid due to violent protests in the South American country arising from Bill Oddie pulling out. This after previously being moved to Chile from Brazil after Brazil double-booked the venue with a wedding.
Although the change of location makes little difference to the delegates travelling via Sir Elton John Airways, it presents a logistical problem for carbon-neutral activist Greta Thunberg, now entrenched on a speaking tour of sympathetic population pockets in the US.
“It turns out I’ve traveled half around the world, the wrong way:) Now I need to find a way to cross the Atlantic in November… If anyone could help me find transport I would be so grateful.” asked the Swedish environmentalist.
Answering the call has been conscientious climate-change objector, Donald Trump. The US President declined to offer Greta Airforce 1, his pet 747 jumbo jet, instead authorising use of Seaforce 13 – the presidential pedalo.
“She’s scared, so scared to fly. No expense will be spared to ensure little Gretchen has a beautiful carbon-fun journey all the way to Namibia, or wherever.”
Aircraft carrier USS Kaepernick and nuclear submarine USS Manning will escort the environmental campaigner during her month-long paddle to Madrid, with helicopters from the carrier regularly winching boxes of organic juice and raisin snacks down to keep energy levels high yet carbon levels low.
Media agencies have expressed interest in relaying 24/7 coverage of the journey from a fleet of helicopters and support craft, with eco-actor Leonardo Di Caprio pledging to co-pedal the first fifty metres of the five and a half thousand kilometre voyage.
As a bonus to assist Greta’s crusade, the versatile Titanic actor will recreate the film’s famous ‘flying’ scene with Greta on the bow of the vessel. Image rights asserted.
The final word on Greta’s inspirational journey goes to the US President: ‘I been thinking about this. Can she not swim? I’ll maybe need Seaforce 13 in Florida.’