Rees-Mogg says farewell to his nanny

Old woman bags

It was a sad day today at Rees-Mogg towers as the family finally announced the retirement of long-serving Nanny, Nancy Bevan (97).

Reading from a prepared statement, Mr Rees-Mogg said that the family is devastated to be losing such a much-loved and respected member of staff; ‘But after her third fall down the spiral staircase whilst carrying my 12 year old son and a full silver service, the insurance premiums have become unsustainable.’

Nancy , known to the family affectionately as Bevan, has been in service to the Rees-Moggs since leaving school at 14, when she was employed as an under stairs maid and someone for the strapping Rees-Moggs boys to have a go at after a night of sherry and beggar baiting.

Rising rapidly through the household to become a foot stool, chamber maid and wet nurse, Nancy was finally appointed Nanny to look after Jacob and his siblings and continued in her role until the present day where she has been helping to raise Jacob’s 6 children.

‘Bevan, the only woman to have seen me naked besides Mummy,’ said Jacob, ‘will be sorely missed, we had a special bond and I have to admit to more than one trip to confession for impure thoughts after meeting her on the landing in her shift.’

He concluded: ‘It was with a heavy heart and not a few tears that I dropped dear old Bevan off at the Salvation Army shelter for the homeless last night and as she stumbled out into the rain from the Bentley, carrying her few belongings wrapped up in a bed sheet, I thought,well that’s saved us the cost of a funeral.’

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2019 by

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