Man treating best before dates as if they’re tablets of stone


A Retford man is insisting on undertaking his regular ruthless cull of food items in his kitchen, it has been confirmed.

Mike McBride, 46, ceremonially opened an extra large bin bag and started throwing things in it after a half used pot of guacamole with its lid not quite put back on properly caught his eye in the family fridge.

‘We had fajitas yesterday lunch, yeh?’, asked McBride to his wife and two young kids. ‘Partial oxidation of the food is almost inevitable by now, so it has to go, I’m afraid, along with all those other dips and those 2 bags of salad on the same shelf.’

‘Best before = use by, we all know that’, continued McBride. ‘And with deterioration accelerating in the lead up to best before dates, anything with a date up to next Wednesday should probably go now.’

‘I also did a random sample of the jars in all our cupboards, and the lids on 2 of them could be partially depressed, so they’ve got to be binned too’, announced McBride, absent-mindedly emptying the fruit bowl into the rubbish after noticing that one satsuma had gone slightly off colour.

‘It’s the same every week’, noted McBride’s wife. ‘Usually when he can’t find the space to fit his half eaten takeaway pizza in the fridge.

‘Why he can’t apply the same bloody logic to his sodding man drawer, God only knows.’

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Posted: Nov 14th, 2019 by

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