It has been announced today that as a result of recent bad publicity caused by ill-advised and self-inflicted media exposure, Buckingham Palace has finally moved to put a new strategy in place designed to assist members of the Royal Family when dealing with Britain’s top forensic TV journalists.
Former disgraced tabloid editor and narcissist, Piers Morgan, is understood to have taken the Queen’s ten pence piece, and in a poacher turned gamekeeper move, has accepted the offer of the new role as Crown Defender Against the Dark Arts.
Among his responsibilities will be giving practical tips to family members on how not to fall out of nightclubs three sheets to the wind, sweating like a pig at an abattoir, groping some pretty girl around the waist and not wearing a necktie.
Commentators have been quick to draw obvious parallels between the new job, Buckingham Palace and Hogwarts Academy of Wizardry and Witchcraft from the popular Harry Potter Stories and Morgan agrees.
Speaking to the press, wearing a small golden crown, jet-black robes with matching cape and clutching an orb and sceptre Morgan said: ‘I can confirm that I, Piers Morgan, by the way a close personal friend to President Trump, have humbly accepted Her Majesty’s offer and have now given my solemn undertaking to defend all family members from cocking-up in the full blaze of the media spotlight.’
‘In particular I will ensure than none fall into the clutches of He Who Must Not Be Named, or as I call him, Martin Bashir.’