The Conservative Party has been forced to admit a secretly substituted android version of Boris Johnson appearing on last night’s ITV Leaders’ Debate suffered a technical malfunction, and that robotics engineers are now working to ensure there is no recurrence of the problem during the next head-to-head debate scheduled for December 6th on BBC.
Tory Chairman James Cleverly, fresh from trying to mislead the public over a shameful party-sanctioned Twitter scam said: ‘We opted for the Boris Android BJ001 instead of Boris himself, as quite frankly the real Boris is such a disastrous loose cannon that no one could be sure he wouldn’t drop some monumental clanger.’
‘But in the event android Boris’s voice chip got jammed and it just kept repeating “get Brexit done” “oven-ready deal to slam in the microwave” “Brexit… Brexit… Brexit…” over and over again.’
‘Now although this was embarrassing,’ continued Mr Cleverly, ‘nevertheless we all agreed that, post-debate, android Boris had done a much better job than real Boris would ever have done. However we want to do better next time.’
Meanwhile the debate’s adjudicator Julie Etchingham commented: ‘I thought that there was something strange going on, although when I saw the bumbling Boris android bullshitting its way behind the podium I was naturally convinced that it was Boris himself. It was only after the debate when he didn’t ask to “take me out for a curry and a quick bit of rumpy-pumpy behind the skips” that I realised what had actually happened.’