The music empresario and answer to the question ‘what does a melted Hugh Grant look like?’, has decided to stop over-inflated theatre prices, by continuing to make over-inflated shows. He has promised to combat ticket touts by reducing the demand to see his musicals to absolute zero – something that could have been achieved years ago, if only Bonnie Langford had not signed that NDA.
In recent years the Tory Lord has had mixed success with sequels to his hit musicals; with notable flops being ‘The Phantom Menace’, ‘The Woman in Shite’ and ‘Jesus Christ, not another one’.
His most recent production involves Michael Ball, dressed as a ginger tom-cat on roller skates, who enters into an unlikely sexual tryst with Eva Peron. The final act tragically concludes with Eva choking to death on a fur ball. Racked by grief, Michael ends his own life in a freak but mildly comical collision at a roller disco.
Lloyd Webber has regularly been accused of plagiarism throughout his career but, as yet, no one wants to admit their work ended up in one of his shows. Said one Tout; ‘Prices keep going up. It now costs me £100 to get rid of one of these tickets’