Rotund man in Uxbridge sectioned for shouting ‘just get Xmas done’

johnson xmas

Medical staff in Uxbridge have confirmed that a rotund, comical looking man has been sectioned after complaints he was seen approaching seven year old schoolchildren and promising them outrageous presents in time for Christmas.

‘No idea who he thinks he is,’ said one medical orderly. ‘He promised to build houses, reduce National Insurance payments and, if they were very, very good he’d save the NHS. He declined to confirm whether or not they were likely to get an XBox for Christmas when asked, just insisted they spoke to their parents and implored what sounded like “just get Xmas done.’

Police confirmed that at this time of year it was normal to find a number of strange men approaching children, sitting them on their knees and making outrageous promises, but noted that since Prince Andrew had formally broken off his relationship with the late Jeffrey Epstein, fewer than normal.

‘We tolerate it to an extent. If they keep their hands where parents can see them and limit their promises to items that are deliverable, such as restoring public sector pay to pre-austerity levels, we keep an eye from a distance, but the minute they promise to return £350 million a week we call in the medics. This guy is clearly not a total fruit loop,’ said a police officer today. ‘He should consider a career in politics,’ he added.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2019 by

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