Tory manifesto claims slammed by under 5s mixed infants


A study undertaken by a group of primary school children has found that Boris Johnson’s manifesto claims for a giveaway bonanza are at best flawed and at worst blatant lies.

Pupils in Reception Class (R1 under 5s) at St Jude’s Mixed Infants St Helens, appearing along with their teacher, Miss Larkin, held a press conference immediately after Mr Johnson launched the Conservative’s much-anticipated document to the mass media in Telford.

One of the class’s researchers, Poppy, said: ‘Bozis is silly man. His sums isn’t right. We has run his adding ups through our abacus and it’s very, very bad. Liar lair! Bozis’s pants is on fire!’

Another of the children, Archie, went on to give his own damning assessment of the manifesto: ‘Boris is big smelly fibber who eats his own bogeys and does silent but deadly farts and stinks out Houses of Parliament. Pooooh!’

On hearing the children’s comments Mr Johnson was quick to respond. ‘Hahaha! Aw, bless them. Children interested in politics at such a young age is marvellous. Well done Miss Larkin, perhaps I could arrange to take you out to dinner as a thank you for your splendid work?’

‘However in this case the children are simply wrong… well apart maybe from the bogeys thing and possibly just the odd silent but deadly after a curry.’

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2019 by

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