The Prime Minister set out a bold vision of him alone in the Cabinet room, with top female ‘talent’ and sound-proof walls. He pledged to make 50% of future Tory candidates women, leaving the other 50% as ‘horny Etonians’.
Cynics have suggested that his drive to recruit more female Tory activists was an attempt to find the next Mrs Johnson, not helped by the fact he launched the initiative on Tinder.
Mr. Johnson claimed only his warm hands could release a woman’s full political passion. He explained, that tackling inequality was like dealing with a particularly tricky bra strap.
One police officer said: ‘We’ve had reports of the Prime Minister attempting to unlock women, which begs the question, how long has he had these women locked up for?’