Pharmacists and travel agents have announced a medical breakthrough: a combination pill’n’ticket that allows you to escape responsibility and run away from the UK to anywhere else in the world, fully vaccinated and insured. For an as-yet-undisclosed sum, you’ll be able to walk into your local pharmacy and pick up a small packet containing the pill and set of airline tickets and visas, no questions about how you voted asked. The deal will go on sale the morning after the general election.
‘This is a sure fire winner,’ said Deborah Bailey of the UK Pharmacists Association. ‘Because no matter what the result, millions of people will be in need of a quick over-the-counter remedy for political sickness and existential despair. Five years of Boris? I can fell the nausea rising already. More hung Parliament chaos? I’m feeling down, where’s the nearest sunny beach?’
‘And if Corbyn gets in, even better, we can charge whatever we like to all the rich bastards who’ve said they’ll leave the country.’