Due to a scheduling error and Donald Trump getting confused with his advent calendar, the President failed to launch the first striptease/carvery outlet of ‘McNHS’. Mr. Trump had excitedly booked a flight to the UK, only to discover that the UK’s health system was still run by communists, qualified nurses and people who cared.
Frustratingly everything was supposed to be in place – a confused electorate, ten years of Richard Branson and 25% Black Friday discount. Even the hardest part – of getting Boris to say the NHS was ‘safe’, with a straight face.
Unfortunately the agreed signal had been Matt Hancock ‘talking boll$cks’ about nursing recruitment, but this was something he should have said on December 13th, not every day of the campaign.
A Trump spokeswoman explained: ‘It was all agreed. Corbyn wins on the 12th. The CIA install a military junta on the 13th. And the NHS gets replaced by Wallmart on the 14th. It’s all messed up, now the President is going to have come back next week. You know, it’s true, what they say about your waiting lists’.