No deal better than Deal or No Deal, insists Theresa May

Deal or No Deal

Theresa May has announced in a live interview with Noel Edmonds that Britain would be better off crashing out of the EU without making any agreement with the remaining 27 countries than trusting its future to a series of random guesses that may make it a bit richer or may not.

‘I’m clear what the choice for Britain is,’ said the Prime Minister. ‘A government committed to Brexit and a pledge not to do any bad dealing, or a coalition of chaos if Jeremy Corbyn gets his hands on the red boxes.’ Mrs May then put her pager microphone more firmly in her ear after the faint voice of Lynton Crosby was overheard shouting “Just ****** say ‘Strong and stable’ every ten seconds, you thick ***** Sheila”.

‘I think what’s important,’ May continued, ‘is that we have a strong and stable government committed to standing up for Britain’s interests whether we deal or we don’t deal. The red numbers start at 1p, while the blue numbers go up to £250,000. I don’t think that’s a coincidence, do you?

Asked if her government would deal for an offer over £15,0000 at five boxes with the two top bananas still there but nothing else over £5, Mrs May said: ‘I’m clear that the government is clear on this. We have a plan for a stable, prosperous Britain that works for everyone. And Jeremy Corbyn has a scruffy grey beard.’

Economists differ on whether Deal or No Deal is preferable to not having a deal, in that both involve random guesses about numbers which are intrinsically unknowable, while pretending to have some insight into the situation based on your own lucky numbers, whereas one of the options is certain to involve at least a 1p net gain. However, it is agreed that there isn’t much chance of any Conservative government being ready to beat the Banker.

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Posted: Dec 9th, 2019 by

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