The Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has refused to look at a photograph taken at a nativity play this week, showing a baby lying in a manger lined with straw with an IV hanging off a shepherd’s crook. This has provoked outrage among people who get outraged by this sort of thing.
‘It speaks volumes for the heartlessness of the Prime Minister that he’s not prepared to comment on the lack of social housing and suitable neo-natal provision,’ said opposition leader, Jeremy Corbyn. He also pointed to the use of a donkey ‘because the transport network is clearly broken’, and promised
that Labour would nationalise all donkeys in the first one hundred days of power
The Prime Minister instead insisted on talking about cutting taxes for the higher paid, obviating the need to make journeys to remote places, that is, not London to file tax returns. When it was pointed out that carpenters are not likely to be in the high earner brackets, he disagreed, pointing out the rates tradespersons charge in London. Especially the Polish ones, but then they’ll be on their way back to One-point-for-Z-in-Scrabble-land soon enough, eh?
There were also reports that Health Secretary Matt Hancock, who rushed to the manger to arrange an upgrade to a Travelodge room for the family, was punched by an Asian man wearing ornate head gear. ‘I was just attempting to pass a gift of Frankincense’, insisted the man who, gave his name as Melchior King. ‘He just walked straight into it, obviously aiming to steal the gift of gold to bolster the Conservative campaign fund.’