The government has condemned the practice of holding nativity plays in polling stations, disrupting the now almost annual event known as a General Election. ‘Scenes of five year old children acting like adults doesn’t mix well with adults acting like children,’ complained a government advisor.
There were complaints that amid the confusion that at least one unmarried mother was not allowed to vote. She stormed out of the polling station shouting ‘Jesus’ and ‘Tory bastards’, something that was explained as less to do with intolerance to single mothers and more to do with electoral law. ‘She was six years old,’ sighed the official in charge of the polling station. He argued that he was not being inconsistent by allowing the donkeys to vote, though. ‘Brexit party supporters, eh? What can you do?’
Meanwhile the search for at least one wise man, let alone three, has proven elusive. The preferred option, Brian, has gone down with chicken pox, while the other two – Boris and Jeremy – unfortunately have not. ‘The shepherds are voting in their droves, mainly along Brexit lines,’ said the official. ‘How do you explain to a seven-year-old about the impact of leaving the Common Agricultural Policy?’
Teachers, who are allowed to vote, have been strong-armed into providing support to the polling station officials. ‘If they’re going to be here, then they might as well do something useful,’ said the official in charge. ‘I’ve had them checking the spelling of the ballots – an X appears challenging to many of the voters – and at least the art teacher has improved the standard of the cock and ball drawings this year.’