Always one for the inside scoop and election tampering, the BBC’s chief political correspondent Laura Kuenssberg knows about your internet history, your pin code and that embarrassing nipple hair that won’t go away. No secret is too secret for old blabbermouth; including your latest biopsy results and that private fetish for Mike & the Mechanics.
Not only has Laura seen everyone’s ballot paper, she knows what underwear you have on and when you pick your nose. She confessed to opening our Xmas presents in advance and writing all the cracker jokes – subject to Dominic Cummings’ approval. Asked how she could be so sure that all the postal votes were for Boris Johnson, a BBC spokeswoman said: ‘It’s simple. Laura filled them all out first’.