Rough-sleepers, disabled people, ethnic minorities, and those not quite old enough to vote, have unanimously decided to shut up about politics and enjoy Christmas as 27 year-old Tim Hurley from Wiltshire has declared on Facebook that he’s bored of everyone ‘waffling on’.
‘Up until five minutes ago, I was honestly getting ready to help those who desperately need food due to not being paid their Universal Credit on time,’ said one Trussel Trust volunteer. ‘But since reading that Tim’s annoyed by any mention of politics, bollocks to it – you’ll find me watching Miracle on 34th Street with a beer, balls deep in a tin of Quality Street from now until Boxing Day – and sorry to Tim for any boredom caused.’
The sentiment was echoed by disability activist Helen Jones, who recently had her Pip payments stopped by the DWP for seemingly no reason at all. ‘If I’m honest, I was livid when I saw the exit polls last night’ said 32 year-old Helen, ‘but when I woke up this morning and saw that Tim’s sick of hearing about it, it really put it into perspective for me. Fuck it, gonna see if Morrison’s will accept tears as payment and buy myself a mince pie and a daft hat to celebrate. Thanks, Tim.’
Tim was unavailable for comment, but a quick glance at his Facebook posts reveal that Baby Yoda Star Wars memes, traffic updates from his daily commute and photos of full English breakfasts are all on his allowed list of captivating topics.