Retiring Labour MPs exit with dignified pie fight

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Not bitter, not bitter at all, various ex-MPs have taken the opportunity to unload their full support for Jeremy Corbyn, in the form of a vat of sour grapes, 20lbs of hard cheese and a bucket of bile. Hurling pies and furniture, the outgoing MPs struck a sombre yet refined tone, by repeatedly hitting the 2019 manifesto with sock, filled with manure.

One particularly MP spoke of their appreciation for all the local activists that had devoted their time and energy to her campaign: ‘F$ck you! You bunch of Stalinist losers! I wouldn’t p$ss on you if you were on fire. And I once took a widdle in Diane Abbot’s tea! You’ve ruined me – which is, incidentally, the title of my new autobiography, available in all good book-stores’.

One leadership contender spoke of the need to heal the party, by severing its head. ‘We need to pull together – by identifying someone to blame and completely eviscerating them in public. We need to unify through public displays of violence and humiliation. We want a kinder, gentler politics – now, where did I leave my knuckle dusters?’

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Posted: Dec 18th, 2019 by

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