A spokesman for Santa has said that executives at North Pole HQ, specifically directors Santa and Mrs Clause, have expressed concern over the recently awarded contract to Amazon to provide Christmas Eve logistics.
‘We recognise that we’re getting on a bit, and the logistics of delivering presents to children the length and breadth of the planet in one night is becoming increasingly difficult. I must admit when I heard Boris Johnson claim he could deliver Brexit for Christmas that I felt if that buffoon could do that, then there must be other idiots out there ready to take on the annual challenge,’ said Santa today.
‘I wasn’t surprised when Amazon tendered for the contract. They share a lot of our core values – we both use vertically challenged workers to source our gifts, we call them Elves, they call them child labour. I assumed that they would use their extensive logistic network to emulate my delivery system, however it seems they are prepared to leave ‘Sorry you were out’ cards if they don’t get an answer – given I always deliver when everybody is asleep that’s going to be a lot of cards under the tree on Christmas day,’ Santa fumed.
‘Then there’s the question of gift wrap. We thought it was a given, but apparently I didn’t click on the check box in the online tender documentation. Now they want an additional £20M on the contract just for wrapping the gifts, and they’re only promising to deliver for Christmas morning if the recipient is an Amazon Prime member,’ said Santa.
When asked for a comment, multi-billionaire Jeff Bezos said ‘You say I’m on the naughty list? Gutted.’