Well where has this past year gone? I can’t believe it’s all passed by so quickly but what a year it’s been! One where I’ve cemented my place firmly as the UK’s guiding force and my government’s successes have been almost too many to mention.
Some naysayers are suggesting that we are getting bogged down over one single issue and therefore taking our eye off the ball in other key areas of government but of course this is absolute nonsense. Without having to think too hard let me just say – Defence and The NHS. Both running like well-oiled engines, in fact it wouldn’t be too much of an idle boast were I to say that they practically run themselves these days.
Having said that then if you’d kindly permit me to mention the ‘B’ word. No… not bastards… nor indeed Boris. What I’m alluding to is Brexit… hahaha!
We’re well on our way to delivering the Brexit the country voted for and under my guidance the negotiation team has done an almost peerless job. The post of Brexit Minister has proven to be so popular that I felt it was only fair to let a few of my boys have a shot at it and what a great job they have done. Splendid work boys! All of you! The entire process is progressing just as a smooth as a baby’s bottom, and with my excellently-negotiated killer deal to look forward to come March 29th, Britain has never been in better shape to face our new voyage on the seas of global commerce.
And what about some of my little stars? I know it’s not fair to single out particular people but how could I not mention that lovable scamp, Boris, or Machiavelli as we all call him affectionately.
I was genuinely moved when without a single thought for his own future he very kindly stepped aside to let Jeremy Hunt take over at the Foreign Office. Such selflessness and caring behavior. And the cynics say politics is nothing but a gang of self-serving megalomaniacs. Well Boris has definitely poo-pooed that old chestnut. And nice too to see he’s smartened up his haircut and lost a few pounds of unsightly flab. Maybe he’s got an amorous encounter going on behind the scenes… *Winks*
I’d like to also mention my ‘sister’ Arlene Foster for her unswerving support this year and helping us steer the good ship GB through the turbulent waters that we sometimes have to face from time to time. Love yah, girlfriend!’
And last but by no means least my own dear Philip. My rock and my salvation during the odd times when the going gets a little tough. I like nothing better than to sit with him at Chequers watching our favourite television quizzes, The Chase and Pointless. Some say both of these might well be construed as perfect metaphors for my Premiership but in all honesty I can’t see what they mean at all.
Anyhow although I could go on at greater length but I must close for another year as Britain won’t govern itself now, will it?
So in conclusion here’s wishing you all a very Happy Christmas and a wonderful 2019.
Theresa May XXX