The government has confirmed that it may have to take steps if football fans in England are not being sufficiently racist at matches.
The move comes after several high-profile incidents in recent matches where there has been little or no racial abuse directed towards black, Asian and mixed-ethnicity players.
‘Clearly more work needs to be done by football authorities to increase the level of racism at games to match those we’re trying to promote in wider society’ said Sports Minister Nigel Adams.
‘Take the Spurs Chelsea match at the weekend’ continued Adams. ‘What little racial abuse there was could at best be described as amateurish. I mean monkey chants and mimicking an ape are OK as far as it goes but it’s not exactly original is it?’
‘Fans should follow the Prime Minister’s example by calling black players piccaninnies with water-melon smiles or taunt Muslim players by describing their wives as letterboxes or bank-robbers’.
‘Now that people in Brexit-Britain feel emboldened to hurl racist abuse in public it really is time for bigots everywhere to up their game and match the efforts many on the right have made in recent years to make life as uncomfortable for immigrants and ethnic minorities as possible’.
Racist Spurs fan Barry Spurtle is dismayed by the lack of racism displayed by some of his fellow fans.
‘If a black player from the opposing team comes over to take a corner and a supporter near me isn’t screaming disgusting racist abuse at them then I call it out. But I can’t do it on my own, I need some help from the authorities to get the message across’.
‘I hate all the black players’ says Spurtle. ‘Apart from the ones that play for Spurs obviously’.
‘I’m not a complete moron’.