Conservatives announce ‘Tory member of the day’

Prime Minister’s Statement in the House of Commons Chamber (25/07/19)

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has made an early announcement into his new term as Prime Minister by noting that, ‘as there are 365 Conservative MPs, that means we can allocate a Guardian MP for every day of the year. We want everybody in the country to come together and see the MP that shares their birthdate as their Guardian MP. If there are duplications in birthdate, I’ll arrange for MPs to change their birthdate by deed poll,’ he said today.

Critics have pointed out that next year is a leap year, and this policy will disadvantage persons born on the 29th February, however Parliament watchers have noted that this is the closest the new government is likely to achieve anything in this term anyway.

Response from the public has been muted. ‘I hope to f$ck I don’t get Jacob Rees Mogg as my Guardian Angel,’ appeared to be the prime concern amongst people born between January 1st and December 31st.

Hat tip to Gerontius and Deceangli

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Posted: Dec 28th, 2019 by

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