News has emerged today that forgotten front line Brexit soldier; the man who virtually single-handedly secured Britain’s exit from The EU, Mark Francois, spent a lonely New Year’s Eve at home with a tin of Spam and a bottle of light ale evoking the spirit of the blitz, whilst all his Tory chums partied the night away at an exclusive Mayfair club.
Francois was philosophical about having been passed over. ‘I think my invitation might have been lost in the post, as at this time of the year Royal Mail is rushed off its feet, isn’t it? I could’ve gone but in the end I gave my pal Will Self a call to see if he fancied a curry, and although he said he would have loved that, unfortunately he was busy cutting his toenails. Hey-ho. Anyway, I quite fancied a quiet night at home to be honest.’
When it was suggested to him this afternoon that after all Mr Francois had done for the Tory cause over the past few years, Party Chairman James Cleverly commented: ‘Err… excuse me. Who?’