Breakfast cereal mascots stand united on Lidl ban


Characters representing some of the nation’s best loved cereals put on a show of unity today in the wake of the decision by Lidl to ban cartoon effigies from its breakfast treats.

Outside Lidl London headquarters, Coco the Monkey appeared with Snap, Crackle, Pop, Tony the Tiger, Captain Crunch, the Honey Monster and Count Chocula, along with their lesser-known own-brand avatars, to read a statement declaring solidarity with the banned icons.

He said: ‘This week, Lidl brutally dropped a number of beloved cereal characters from its own products, casting many of these guardians of our breakfast menus out into a life on the street. Already, generic leprechaun mascots have been seen in lay-bys offering to perform minor magic tricks to passers-by to feed their marshmallow habit. Others have not been so lucky.’

‘This was an attack on not only our profession, but all our breakfasts. We consider ourselves equal partners in our breakfast crusade, no matter where we fall in the Kelloggs/Nabisco divide. Many of us worked our way up from humble beginnings to create successful brands. Snap, Crackle and Pop were brothers born into East End poverty, before being rescued by our founder Mr Kellogg to help develop a breakfast product which can be easily located by the blind. This they achieved, despite being only four inches tall and unable to lift a fully-loaded spoon.’

‘Similarly, both Tony Tiger and the Honey Monster escaped the circus and Coney Island sideshows respectively, where they were being presented as half-man-half-animal hybrids and made to perform menial tasks under the watchful eye of their cruel masters.’

‘As advocates of the world’s most popular morning confections, we will continue to defend the simple freedom to enjoy delicious toasted grains, often in novelty shapes, accompanied by full cream or skimmed ice cold milk.’

‘We are all a monkey/tiger/pirate/monster/leprechaun/chocolate vampire.’

The Breakfast Club

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Posted: Jan 4th, 2020 by

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