Still reeling from the information that Dover is a port, the UK’s Foreign Secretary is now coming to terms with the fact that Iran is not just a description of what sprinters do. After rigorous research and a painstaking five minutes on Google Maps, Dominic Raab has discovered that the Iran is a country and that a county is an actual place.
A spokeswoman confirmed: ‘Mr Raab is concerned that the New South Wales’ bushfires could spread to Iran. According to his map, there is only 30cms separating Australia from the Middle East. No one had the heart to tell him what scale means or that the blue bits are sea.’
The US assassination of General Qasem Soleimani has forced Iran into a defensive position and forced Mr. Raab to open an atlas. The Foreign Secretary could not rule out future strikes on Tehran, but could he rule out further strikes on Milton Keynes – both sounded like ‘made up’ places to him.
Mr. Raab talked about the cultural tensions between Europe and Iran, not least of which, that all the men talk squiggly and the women wear black ponchos. He is set to fly to Washington to discuss his concerns; the main one being – where is Washington? Is that another country I have to learn?