Bowing to President Trump’s superiority God is in negotiations with the White House to rewrite the Ten Commandments to bring them up to present day US standards.
“God has spoken to me bigly over the past few days and we are going to work together to make the Ten Commandments much more perfect,” said President Trump in an early morning Tweet. “The good thing is, unlike that crazy old guy Ed Moses I won’t be wasting 40 days and 40 nights up a mountain or somewhere in the desert to get things done, it should only take about half an hour working with my faithful three disciples Mike Pence, Rudy Giuliani and Lindsey Graham.”
God has assured Trump that the USA is without doubt the new Promised Land so there will be no need to relocate anywhere else, especially the Middle East which he wouldn’t be able to find on a map in any case.
“I’m having beautiful new stone tablets sourced from an unknown cultural site, possibly in Iran, and having them unveiled at my 2020 inauguration. We’re also going to stick to eight for the moment. It’s a nice number, so why not? Anyway, we’ll probably scrap 5 & 6. They never worked for me, so what’s the point?”
In the meantime, Nancy Pelosi has denied telling CNN that she is hoping the Commandments will be delivered to the President as quickly as possible and preferably by lightning bolt.