An exciting opportunity has arisen at short notice due to staff taking (VERY) early retirement.
Would suit couple to live in.
Substantial tax free income.
Extravagant clothing allowance.
No experience necessary, training will be given in the full glare of publicity.
Applicants with family link to William the Conqueror will be immediately short-listed.
Must have good sense of humour (but not too much).
Ability to smile and wave at the same time would be a serious asset.
Full clean driving license required after recent staff accident/speeding scandals.
Language skills – German, Greek would be an advantage.
The most intrusive background check will be conducted by the tabloid press (before, during and after appointment).
Applicants who have been unsuccessful in the past will not be considered (this means you Fergie).
Applications from ethnic minorities and gingers especially welcome (since we lost the last ones and it’s harming our diversity quota).
Please list any previous medical conditions including inability to sweat and/or tell the f@cking truth.
Apply in writing to :
Closing date 1st February Annus Horribilis 2