Training for a marathon heightens a novice runner’s unwavering belief in their own brilliance, eventually eradicating any sense of self-awareness, a study suggests.
Researchers from the Institute of People tested novice runners attempting the London Marathon and noticed an immediate change in their proportionality, instantly comparing their marathon intentions to successfully completing two tours in Helmand Province circa 2002.
Dr John Smith said, “we had a number of responses from our formerly bland participants. One took a non-consensual selfie with me while doing that weird heart-shaped sign with his hands.
“One signed his name on my shirt in permanent marker and asked me I wanted to star on his marathon training channel on Tik Tok. I still don’t know what those words mean.
“Another and another shook my hand and just said, ‘you’re welcome.’
“Basically, when fairly average, normal dull people, voluntarily signing up to do mad shit, like run a ludicrous distance, they become utterly unbearable.
“Let’s face it, they were pretty awful to start with.
“But at least they think it means something and gives them an excuse to blitz social media with pictures of their blisters and chaffed thighs over the next six months. With a hashtag slogan, of course.
“But of course, good luck to them all. Blah. Blah.”