Masturbators of both sexes who rely on electrically powered technology could help delay climate catastrophe with a new Eco setting, says the inventor of a new green range of vibrators exhibited at this year’s Consumer Electronics Show. ‘Flipping to Eco puts the device into a low power state,’ explained Marcia Banks, inventor. ‘Lower rates of vibration mean less power used, hence a smaller carbon footprint, therefore less global warming and rising of sea levels and a delayed orgasm. Win-win all round. In a way it’s the difference between flying and going by train. You come, sorry, get there in the end. Only with trains a strip search is less likely, and there are no violent bumps as the journey ends unfortunately.’
However, Ms Banks warned against use of the new devices on aircraft. ‘We have yet to develop a ‘flight safe’ mode for these products, meaning they may, if used, interfere with the aircraft’s navigation, or the safe serving of hot food, or other passenger’s enjoyment of the in-flight entertainment’ she explained. ‘We definitely recommend against flight crew using them at critical phases of flight. But use of the items on trains, buses and even taxis is perfectly acceptable.’
Other refinements expected at this years CES technology fair include a ‘Sports Mode’ and a rear view camera, for those so inclined.