Canadian custom officials have discovered an ‘gluttonous lump’ amongst Harry and Meghan’s duty frees. Closer inspection has revealed the unusual package to be Prince Andrew; who claimed that he was embarking on 20-year sight-seeing tour of the colonies – or at least until the statute of limitations passes.
Harry and Meghan’s attempt to flee the country and press intrusion has now been overshadowed by Prince Andrew exceeding their baggage allowance – by 18 stones and truck load of rumours. It is true that Harry has had his own PR disasters – dressing as a Nazi, frolicking naked in Las Vegas and being ginger – but at least he was not involved in ‘It’s a Royal Knockout’.
A Palace spokeswoman explained: ‘It’s not unusual for Andrew to be found naked and tied up – but it is unusual to be outside of Jeffrey Epstein’s house’. The Prince insisted that he was simply stepping back as senior Royal, side-stepping any awkward conversations and skipping around any extradition treaty to the US.
Asked if he would miss any aspect of the UK, other than Woking’s Pizza Hut, Andrew’s spokeswoman confirmed: ‘The Prince will miss his charitable role, reaching out to members of the British public – but that’s usually where the problems start’