Despite running over its £2.5bn budget, the Ministry of Defence insisted that its plan to destroy ‘all life as we know it’ provides excellent value for money. A spokesman said: ‘Where else could we get a cost-efficient collapse of civilisation, outside of a Brexit negotiation?’
Defence chiefs remained convinced that the radioactive fallout alone would provide savings over time, which could be passed directly to the taxpayers or their cockroach overlords. An eternal Nuclear Winter would mean Christmas everyday and Rudolf’s nose would really glow.
The nuclear weapons programme based in Cumbria, will offer four new submarines; called Pestilence, War, Famine & Death. In terms of employment, global thermonuclear war, or ‘the endgame’ as President Trump calls it, will create a wonderful synergy between the cremation and disposal industries.
Said one taxpayer: ‘An extra £1.3bn? Bargain. That’s only 30 new hospitals. Or a 1000 new schools. You know, you can’t put a price on the death of all your loved ones – especially if you’ve met my brother-in-law’. While the MoD press release reads – ‘Satisfaction guaranteed– or your money back’.