Anyone without a bed can sleep on my couch, says Hunt


The Health Secretary has kindly offering to tackle the NHS over-crowding crisis by making use of his ‘emergency futon’. Critics have suggested that he is out of touch, but Mr. Hunt remains confident that the bed issue can be resolved: ‘How many patients are we talking about? One? Two?’.

Mr. Hunt spoke of his experience of dealing with similar problems, when a wine and nibbles party in 1996 resulted in a random guest having to use one of his six spare-rooms. A spokeswoman recounted: ‘It was chaos at the time. The cheese board had been left out, Jeremy was forced to use his third favourite ergonomic pillow and there was barely enough hot water in the morning to heat the Jacuzzi and the pool’.

Meanwhile interior designers have been called in to offer patient storage solutions; including bunkbeds in corridors, hammocks in waiting rooms and snug cubicles in the mortuary. Likewise, for a similar price to a central London hotel, you can stay in an NHS carpark and get a perfectly good night’s sleep in your spacious boot.

The spokeswoman said: ‘There are so many options available to the NHS – loft conversions, extend into the garage or simply throw down some scatter cushions. Many Ministers are offering free beds – although I’d avoid Damian Green, Michael Fallon and Boris Johnson for the obvious reasons’.

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Posted: Jan 12th, 2020 by

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