“Married a ginge for no reason?” claims hotline set up

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Daytime TV viewers were today surprised when, amongst all the ads for claims hotlines for people injured in an accident at work, they saw one for people who’d married a ginge in the expectation of benefits that hadn’t materialised.

“Were you promised a lavish, taxpayer-funded lifestyle? A stately home and lots of travel? Maybe even a title?”

“But now you find that’s all been taken away, leaving you stuck with a pasty husband who needs factor 50 sunblock to go outdoors even in the middle of winter? You could be eligible for compensation, and hopefully we can even get them to write your character back into the current season of Suits.”

Meanwhile, in an entirely unrelated incident, Prince Harry said he regrets volunteering to give blood while fronting an appeal for the Blood Donation Service.

“It’s my own stupid fault, I should have realised they’d test what blood type I was… I’d better put out a statement saying I’m distancing myself from the Royal Family, before Philip finds out and nobbles the brakes on my car.”

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Posted: Jan 12th, 2020 by

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