Progress on Dry January ‘mixed’ confirms everyone


As dry January enters its second full week the nation has been reflecting on progress so far.

‘It goes on for too long, in my opinion,’ said Clara, 39, ‘in fact I’ve as I’ve stopped pissing blood and the stabbing pains in my liver have all but gone I reckon I could resume,’ she said from her hospital bed in Hornchurch general.

Others feel that their determination to purge their bodies of Christmas excess should be shared with others. Ron and Andy have taken it upon themselves to position themselves outside the Coach and Horses free house to persuade would-be drinkers to join in. ‘Andy is more committed to the cause than me,’ said Ron today, shivering in the January winds. ‘He went inside three hours ago to try and persuade those who got here before us to abandon their ways. He only came out once, to visit the ATM, then straight back into battle. If he isn’t done in the next ten minutes I’m afraid he’ll have to make his own way home as I’ve got to feed the dog,’ he said.

Some feel one month isn’t enough. They want the dry period to extend through to February, however many feel that is a step too far.

‘For f*ck’s sake, don’t they know 2020 is a leap year?’ is a common cry.

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Posted: Jan 13th, 2020 by

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