Since being born with a rare split penis, both of which are effective for sexual reproduction, labrador Derek has been monitored by boffins in comparison with other single ‘boner’ canines. During the course of his six year life so far the scientists have not noticed Derek being any more busy than his mono-schlonged cousins.
Professor Al Sation said, ‘During 2015 for instance, Derek sniffed 437 other dogs’ bottoms on average, per month, whereas some of the other test subjects sniffed well over 500 rear ends per month. This trend is also observed with the ‘rolling round in cow shit’ study, ‘urinating up lamp posts and pillar boxes’ and ‘eating drunks vomit’. The ‘walking round in a circle sniffing the ground before laying a cable’ study also showed corroboration across test subjects.’
He went on to say ‘The metaphor ‘as busy as a dog with two dicks’ may need to be revisited as a suitable earthy cliché for high activity levels.’
The professor did admit however that the arsehole sniffing experiment may need to be repeated, as David Cameron and George Osborne had visited the laboratory during the experiment and may have skewed the results.