Event organisers of the Brexit Day celebrations, which is to take place in London’s Parliament Square on 31 January, have stipulated that only proper British food and good old British entertainment be allowed.
Specially trained garlic sniffer dogs and politically incorrect gammon squads will be present to ensure that anything Johnny foreigner has introduced into the British Isles over the past forty odd years will be weeded out.
Nigel Farage has welcomed the move along with a request to Boris Johnson to wind back Big Ben to pre-1979 when the term coffee coloured actually referred to the colour of instant coffee topped off with sterilised milk, and not the offspring of the unprincipled next door neighbours’ daughter.
Vera Lynn has been placed on stand-by (God willing) to add to the nostalgic mix along with hilarious performances by Bernard Manning, Charlie Williams and Larry Grayson tribute acts. However, a blanket ban has been enforced on satirical comedians who are too clever for their own good and the mental health of a future British Society.
Free entry will be given to anyone waving a Union Jack with extra lashings of ginger beer going to anyone whose Ancestry UK DNA results show no trace of a Viking or central European blemish.