Labour leadership hopeful and part-time Franco-file, Lisa Nandy, suggested that the best way to deal with Scottish Independence was riot shields and prison-size portions of escudellla. Responding to an interview question, Nandy said she favoured the Catalonia-model; supposedly with its riot shields, water cannons, all followed by an afternoon kip.
When pressed, her spokeswoman said amongst her weaponry were such diverse elements as: fear, surprise and a ruthless efficiency, almost fanatical, devotion to Tony Blair. Despite Spain having jailed, exiled and executed twelve Catalan Presidents in the last hundred years, Nandy pointed out that Donald Dewar was already deceased and that Sturgeon ‘won’t get far on those short legs’.
Famous Catalans include Pep Guardiola – who copied his tiki-taka style of football from the sound made from a police baton striking your temple. Another native is Montserrat Caballé – whose singing could drown out the sound of rubber bullets impacting on flesh.
Nandy hopes to unite the Labour Party by kettling the members into the nearest jail. One commented: ‘Nobody expects a Nandy victory. And as Monty Python goes, that parrot is dead.’