Across the nation, households are struggling to finish up the stockpiles of cheese and biscuits bought for the festive season without being left with too much cheese for the remaining biscuits, or too many biscuits for the remaining cheese.
Attempts to buy just the right quantity of cheese or just the right number of biscuits to achieve equilibrium are failing dismally, leading to an excess of one or the other yet again.
For most families left with too many biscuits, all that’s left from the original four different boxes of biscuits for cheese assortments are the really boring, rock-hard water biscuits and those strange-tasting, thick, crumbly, green ones that were possibly made by Winalot.
And in many of the cases of excess cheese, all the interesting cheeses have gone, leaving just two dozen of those tasteless little rubbery Dutch mini-snacks and that huge slab of stilton that may be out of date but is too expensive to throw away and ‘is just cheese that’s gone off anyway’.
Supermarkets are said to be perpetuating the cycle by discounting their own excess stocks of cheese selection packs and large tins of biscuits for cheese. One woman who complained to her local Morrisons about having too much cheese left over claimed, ‘It is sending me crackers’.