Deprived children raise £30m for the BBC

After only 54 days in his job his world crashed around him as he realised he wasn't very good at it. Can you help?

Children across the world have united in a gigantic global fund raising event to raise £30m to help the BBC cope with the crises and scandals it faces.

‘In our African village we raised £25 by charging for goat rides to collect clean drinking water from the local borehole,’ said 10-year old Mangu Bwotha. ‘The charge means that people can’t eat for the next week, but we do hope the BBC will put it towards George Entwistle’s pay-off so that he can retire in comfort.’

In a further heart-rending revelation, it has emerged that children living in the most disadvantaged favelas in Rio de Janeiro have raised nearly half a million pounds to pay for the recruitment agency’s fees to find the next permanent Director General. ‘And if he or she turns-out to be useless, we’ll raise the same again to give them a proper send-off, just like George,’ added 12 year-old Saul Rodrigez.

It was a similar story in Salford near Manchester, where deprivation is rife and local youngsters often engage in illegal activities. Local gang member Degsy March, 13, said; ‘We have raised £3000 in the last few days by imposing taxes on rent boys and drug dealers. It’s tragic, but also ironic,’ he added, ‘as most of their income seems to come from people who now work for the BBC at Media City. But in the end, hey, it’s for a good cause.’

Over £1m was raised from £5 mobile phone donations in a competition to design the logo for the fundraising event. The winning entry showing Jimmy Savile in a Santa hat and y-fronts, quaffing champagne at the BBC Trust Christmas party was submitted by 11 year old Somali orphan Mo Gumba, who was adamant that the ‘Logo captures the true spirit of the BBC and how if affects all our lives.’

BBC bosses are considering how any money left over from giving the ex-DG a good home and a stress-free existence can be spent. ‘Obviously we want to subsidise silver service lunches in the boardroom, and we haven’t yet sent Michael Palin to the moon, and we’ll probably need to pay some hefty fines,’ said acting Director General Tim Davie. ‘Oh, and er, compensation of course. To Chris Patten.’

antharrison (hat-tip to Al OPecia)

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Posted: Jan 21st, 2020 by

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