Bob ‘left with no choice’ but to leave family home

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Bob Evans revealed today that he had to leave his family home. ‘My mother is upset, of course, but I have to do this for the sanity of my family,’ he said, clutching his baby son Tyler closely.

His mother is said to be ‘fuming’ but outwardly she has given her blessing. ‘If he feels he has to move to Stockport to start a new life, so be it,’ she said in a statement today. ‘However his wish to remain an active member of the family isn’t going to happen,’ she added, pointing to Bob’s desire to continue chipping in to the family Lotto ticket every week. ‘If he thinks he can up sticks and take my grandson with him, yet share our fortune when the Euro millions comes our way then he can swivel,’ said his mother.

Bob’s girlfriend is just glad to be leaving the family home. ‘Living with the in-laws, getting all that constant attention and putting up with creepy uncle Andrew is too much. Stockport here I come.’

Bob’s dad was circumspect. ‘Stockport’s not that far away. A number eight and change for the number three at Sale,’ he said. ‘Half an hour tops, no idea what the fuss is all about.’

Bob is seven hundred and forty one thousand three hundred and twenty fourth in line to the throne.

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Posted: Jan 22nd, 2020 by

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