‘Thou shalt not kill’ just a clerical error, says God


Gun sales are skyrocketing across the US and millions of Bibles are being recalled today, after the Sixth Commandment was exposed as the most embarrassing mistake in religious history.

‘I don’t know how it got in there’, God admitted to a shocked audience a few hours ago.  ‘To be honest, I’ve never had a problem with murder.  It’s mostly the adultery and the graven images that bother me’.  However, He refuses to apologise for having misled mankind for the last 3000 years, blaming ‘the lack of adequate proofreading facilities in the ancient Near East’ for the tablet misprint.

A Home Office spokesman welcomed the news: ‘We can just shred the whole backlog of murder cases’, he says with relief.  ‘Then there’s all the free space we’ll have when we release thousands of killers. Airbnb may be able to help with that’.

The government has promised that the right to kill will be phased in slowly .  The first step will be to give people the freedom to shoot reality TV stars on sight, ‘a move that shouldn’t be too controversial’.

Meanwhile, journalists who went to the Vatican seeking a comment were shocked to find the pontiff standing beside a pile of dead cardinals, holding an AK47.  When approached for an interview, all he would say was:  ‘You feel lucky, punk?’

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2020 by

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