Dry veganuarists urge normal people to endure their smugness for one more week

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Dry veganuarists are compelling the general population to ‘dig deep’ and suffer their self-obsessiveness and stifling egocentricity for just one more week.

‘If I hear ‘you’re doing so well supporting me’, one more time, I think I’ll actually scream!’  announced office administrator, Clare Taylor.  ‘I can’t take having to eat a chicken flavoured pasta pot in the store room anymore because the smell might offend people that only a month ago suffered dehydration from having first-degree meat sweats and from guzzling buckets of Prosecco.’

‘I respect what they’re doing from a health and conservation point of view, but why should I have to endure their cliched supportive platitudes, encouraging me to encourage them?  We’re not in this together, and the only ‘gain’ I want is for them to take their ‘pain’ elsewhere. I guess I’m just tired.  Its quite a shock to the system detoxing goodwill and peace to all mankind.’

Dry veganuarist Kieran Smatter, added:  ‘Clare’s super-amazing.  We’re going to get her through this last week of getting us through this last week.  See how I say so, here, on my vlog.”

‘Next they want to do No-Fibruary’, and go through the whole month only telling the truth.’ said Clare.

‘It’s probably a good idea if I don’t do that either.’

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Posted: Jan 25th, 2020 by

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