Man paints stuff in the house to prove he’s not hungover


Middle-aged man, Steve Daniels, woke up after an unremarkable night-out with a burning desire to take on productive DIY tasks, it has emerged.

Before going out, Daniels, 43, assured his wife that he was merely engaging in a low-key catch-up, entailing a couple of hours in the pub at best, a prediction that he believes is self-evidently true by his current demeanour.

He said: ‘It was basically staying in it, it was that nondescript.  But to be fair, I wasn’t here to help put the kids down and so I thought I’d crack on and paint the upstairs bathroom, something I promised the wife I’d do ages ago.  That shouldn’t take long. I can probably fit in a few doors as well. She’ll appreciate it and I am absolutely tip-top so it should take me no time.’

His wife, Sarah said: ‘Damn right, he’s painting the fucking bathroom.  He shook me awake at 2 am to tell me he just urinated over one of the neighbour’s garden gnomes, which it then transpired he was holding.’

‘He then explained how he didn’t feel that drunk – even though he couldn’t keep his eyes open or retain saliva in his mouth – before insisting on talking through all the DIY jobs that he was going to undertake the next day.’

‘I then couldn’t get back to sleep after he passed out mid-sentence and snored kebab-scent in my face.  So, yes, the prick is painting the bathroom.  He’s then taking both the kids to a soft play party.’

‘I bet he’s not even doing it.’

‘Yep. He’s asleep in the bath, the absolute melt.’

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Posted: Jan 26th, 2020 by

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