Google’s new service Google Diddle launched in time for tax return deadline

'Move along, no profits to see here'

Google is launching a new online accountancy service, Google Diddle, just in time for the tax return deadline of 31 January. The tech giant demonstrated its awesome commanded of UK tax legislation when it agreed to pay £130 million in taxes dating back to 2005 following a six year inquiry by HMRC costing UK taxpayers £130 million.

Bankrupt self-employed plumber Paul Mycock, currently serving eighteen months for tax evasion following a £500 non-disclosure on his 2011/2012 tax return said ‘I’m delighted to hear that HMRC has agreed to accept £13 million per year back tax from Google on its multi-billion pound sales in Britain. I shall certainly be using their new Google Diddle service to complete my tax returns if I ever work again when I get out of here.’

Matt Brittin, head of Google Europe, commented ‘Our tax lawyers and accountants can obviously run rings around the intellectually challenged HMRC inspectors but we don’t want to rub their noses in it. In future, we’ll let them have the small change down the back of the Google sofas, provided that those sofas are domiciled in the UK of course.’

HMRC acted after controversy over the low level of taxes paid by big companies that operate in the UK but whose tax structure is a bit too difficult to unravel. HMRC Inspector Barry Ballard said: ‘We are delighted to have settled the ten year tax bill for on Google’s UK multi billion pound profit. Not only does this enable the Chancellor to publicly declare the matter closed but it also allows us to go back to our day job of hounding small businesses into bankruptcy for trivial indiscretions.’

Brittin explained that Google Diddle was based on the template that had been so successful in their negotiations with HMRC. ‘We expect that the new subscription service will save the ordinary man in the street thousands of pounds a year in silly unwanted tax bills’ he claimed. ‘In the first year we estimate that the income for Google from the Google Diddle service will net some £130m. Sorted.’

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Posted: Jan 29th, 2020 by

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