The UK’s goats, cripples and single women can once again expect to be burdened with all of the nation’s sins and then cast out into the wilderness, or sometimes sacrificed, now that membership of the EU can no longer be blamed. Under the government’s generous post-Brexit amnesty, they are allowed to persecute any random person, or persons, who they suspect of spoiling Britain’s greatness. However, the amnesty only applies at weekends and child sacrifice is discouraged in some regions.
Those who are too frail, too fat or too mental to go out and join a furious mob will be able to enjoy the best of the ritual outcasting and slaughter on the BBC’s new prime-time show, Saturday Night Scapegoating – unless, of course, a mob turns up at their door. Already, on the first Saturday since leaving the EU, and after some traditional pitchfork persuasion by a mob of democratic Brexiteers, one Hazel Toadwell – a wizened old hag living in a filthy hovel near Parliament Square – has finally admitted that she is responsible for Britain losing £130 billion of its GDP, rather than Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who can’t be blamed for simply getting things done.