After 47 years together and a rollercoaster ride of a relationship, the United Kingdom has finally left the European Union and has announced plans to ‘go back to university to study to be a psychotherapist’.
‘Our country has finally got some ‘me’ time,’ announced Boris Johnson as the hours counted down to the formal clean break from the EU. ‘At first we were seduced by the romance, fine restaurants, stylish Italian fashion, and romantic holidays by the beach. However, after the honeymoon period was over, reality soon set in.’
‘We didn’t like having to get know many of our new partner’s friends, but they came anyway- usually to pick fruit and vegetables, process frozen turkeys and fix stuff around our houses. We didn’t like having to spend money on our partner and we felt distinctly uneasy about the casual way with which they allowed and encouraged everyone else to get their hands on our fish, if you know what I mean.’
‘Instead, the United Kingdom will be moving on and putting this relationship behind it. We won’t miss the financial support we once enjoyed because we have a plan. That plan is to do a Masters degree in psychotherapy at university.’
When asked how the UK would deal with the cripplingly foreseeable economic woes set to ravage the nation, and how agriculture and an ageing population could possibly be supported, there was no answer. Instead there was the sound of the cork coming out of a bottle of English Pinot Grigio, a wistful look across the Channe, and the words ‘at least we got custody of the Isle of Wight’.