Smells more like white spirit as Francois finds Nirvana


Mark Francois, who friends said had been looking particularly supercilious and unbelievably smug since Friday, has transcended to a higher plane, it has been revealed. This morning his mortal body suddenly dissolved into a bright silver-blue gas before being blown to the four winds as ethereal voices whispered and sighed ‘BREXXXXXXXXIT…it…it…it…it…’

Political agent Simon Poynter, who was with Francois when he achieved Nirvana, confirmed that this morning his boss could barely concentrate on constituency work. ‘Mark was stopping repeatedly to dab great big slimy oozing stains from the flies of his trousers. It happened more than thirty times before lunch,’ he said. ‘There was this funny chemical smell and he suddenly dissolved before my eyes.’

Dr Julius Tripper, Professor of Paranormal and Astral Political Studies at San Francisco’s University of Hey, Wow! said: ‘What has happened to Mr Francois is a very rare phenomenon. It can only occur when someone achieves their true heart’s desire. I guess the closest most people may have come to observing it would be whenever Piers Morgan is in the company of Donald Trump.’

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Posted: Feb 5th, 2020 by

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