Thrill seekers up and down the country have condemned the RNLI crews who took ‘for ages’ to rescue them in the middle of Storm Ciara. ‘All I did was surf in storm force conditions. I took all proper precautions – I even had a packet of condoms ready inside my waterproof jacket in case I was rescued by a really hot lifeboat woman,’ said one complainant today.
‘How bloody hard is it to launch a boat in gale force winds?’ asked another. I launched my li-lo in seconds, found myself halfway to Ireland in minutes. If it wasn’t for the government’s custom boundary running down the middle of the Irish sea I’d be voting Sinn Fein by now,’ he said.
All the rescued persons agreed at how grumpy the lifeboat men and women appeared. ‘A bit of public service training wouldn’t go amiss,’ said one of the rescued people, before catching a train to Scotland. ‘They’re forecasting avalanches – I wonder what they look like from below?’