Feed the 52

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The UK’s been out of Europe for just over a week and the 52% majority are hungry for more. Which other organisations could Brexit Britain leave or remain?

The Euros
A leap-year football tournament between European nations. Usually an opportunity for England to be hard done to because of atrocious refereeing or the pitch being too hot. However, the euros provide an opportunity for the English to feel good about themselves at the expense of the Scots, whilst drinking in the morning.
The 52 say remain.

The Five Eyes Alliance
An intelligence gathering organisation, sharing information between the US, Canada, New Zealand, Australia and ourselves. Isn’t it time we ‘kept mum’ about the royals’ antics? And, we can get all the information we’ll ever need about the other four countries from Russia. One Eye is enough, like those great british figureheads Lord Nelson and Madonna.
The 52 say leave.

Eurostar
An international high-speed rail operation connecting London to London via Europe. Who wants to get to Brussels in a hurry these days? Not even Nigel Farage. What’s wrong with good old british steam locomotives, anyway? They’re much kinder to the environment than Eurostar trains, because they don’t go as fast.
The 52 say leave.

The United Kingdom
A tiny, less European Europe. Britain, plus all the difficult-to-clarify-constitutionally non-mainland bits. It would be much less trouble to define Brexit Britain as ‘that which can only be reached on a full tank in a modest, yet roomy, family saloon departing from Tower Bridge’. But that would exclude the charming isles of Man and Jersey, and not because they’re tax havens.
The 52 say remain.

The Gregorian Calendar
In the rickets-riddled world of post-brexit working practices there’ll be no need to define the year into months and weeks, where workers have ‘days off’, ‘summer holidays’ and ‘religious festivals’. Weekends, bank holidays and even the names of days can be jettisoned. The calendar will start with ‘Happy Boris 1’ and never end.
The 52 say leave! No, remain! No… leave. Aaargh! We’ve bitten-off more than we can chew, let the 48 decide!

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Posted: Feb 11th, 2020 by

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