The Prime Minister has agreed to combine, the Scots/Irish bridge and a bunch of flowers into a turbo-charged method for jettisoning British citizens. Not content with stripping the Windrush generation of their rights, Mr. Johnson will now be sending people who have lived in Britain since childhood, along a very long bridge, ending with a very long drop.
Controversially the cost of HS2 and the bridge would run to billions of pounds, but a big saving could be made if they were combined into one gigantic immigration sluice. Passengers will embark in London and be fired down a 100 mile-long water slide, ending somewhere in the North Atlantic.
There are concerns that the new bridge would be a bit windy or a bit ‘fall-y in the sea’. While critics have labelled the venture ‘A Bridge Too Far’, although those afloat in the Atlantic might say it is not far enough.
Boris’s preferred method of hurling people into the sea was always via a water cannon, but in the end, it was agreed that rail would be more scenic. The Home Office insisted deportations would only target convicts: ‘But if they’re from Birmingham, that’s a bonus!’