Chancellor of Exchequer to become zero-hour contract


Sajid Javid has resigned from the cabinet, after being asked to stack shelves at Sports Direct and drive an Uber cab on the weekend. A No. 10 spokeswoman said: ‘Sajid helped champion the gig economy, so its only right that he do a 78 hour week, without access to holiday pay and sick leave. He was also asked to wear an adult diaper – although that has nothing to do with having no breaks, it’s just a fetish Boris Johnson has.’

The new Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, has said he is happy to accept the new contract conditions and an evening shift at JD Wetherspoons. His ministerial car will be a Deliveroo bicycle and his wages will be set at £4 an hour – matching the UK’s new GDP.

Sadly Mr. Javid has no protection against unfair dismissal and will be receiving no redundancy pay – other than an obligatory seat on the board of a FTSE 100 firm. Ironically a DWP assessment has declared Mr. Javid ‘unfit for work, unfit for anything and generally a waste of space’.

Mr. Sunak will have the task of navigating Brexit, dealing with a recession; all while holding down a paper-round and taking in lodgers to No.11. The spokeswoman explained: ‘People have to remember, being Chancellor has only ever been a temp job.’

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Posted: Feb 16th, 2020 by

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